vertigo directions (RD)

(Rough draft. Any constructive criticism will be received gratefully at bauer.cc@gmail.com)

you should start off exactly where you’re at
at this exact moment
your feet are not stuck in the pavement
you’re no dragonfly in a spider web
so move

tie the bandana around your eyes
turn as many times as you can
follow your vertigo and start walkin’
straight as ya can
there is almost certainly a bag slung over your shoulder
it is well weathered and full of things
onto which you cannot release your grip
burn’m as soon as you find fire

start with the birthday cards
then move on to the high school love notes
embrace the cringe that finds your face
as you move on to the family photos
the photo booth photos
then the beach photos
remind yourself that you are not dying yet

keep the bag

we’ll use it later to collect
maps towards the sun
bombs for your past
and trinkets of presence

through the smoke you will see a lane
walk it
it is an alley bordered by bookshelves
the size of your ego
with bolts the size of your pupils
overflowing
and cluttered
with the stories you’ve written
take one off the shelves at a time
if you wish
but know that the shelves will fall
when your breath expands to the size of the moment

the sky will be screaming from the end of the alley
follow it
it’s the space you’ve been looking for
under car tires
and in lovers
it’ll hold ya the way your mother did
before you began swearing

there will be a stallion waiting for you
under the screaming sky

hop on him
kick’m twice in the sides
he knows where to bring you
you’ll know you’re gettin’ close
when you feel the way you did
the first time you left someone you still loved
because you had to
this time
though
the pain’ll be more easy accepting

hop off the horse
at the stone-bordered well
reach down to the edge of your pain
it should be at your solar plexus
pull it outwards and over your head like a cape

I know in the past this cape has been had by moths
with irregular holes exposing you to sunlight
but I’m askin’ you
just this once
to find its dark corner and go there

if you remember how to somersault properly
from your kindergarten gymnastics class
execute one into the well
let the rollin’ continue as your throat tightens up
and your skin peels back from your velocity
catch the fragments flyin’ past your face
of heart expansion and bone vibrations
stick’m in your bag
as you prepare
for the splash

splash.